Saturday, April 26, 2014

Secret Agent Man?

I wrote this script, my first one ever, in hopes of impressing Joseph Rodriguez, thinking he might enjoy comedy. I may have prejudged him, but the script is okay. My mother believed it was too much like Chuck, as in the show with Zachary Levi. I disagree but at the same time I wrote this script shortly after I had finished the show. Maybe I just needed to get the idea out of my head.



Fade from Black:

Int. – Radio Shop – Day

Scene opens with Carl stocking shelves. A customer approaches holding a blue radio.

Customer
Is this radio on clearance?

Carl
No, only the red one’s are on sale.

Customer
Where can I find those?

Carl
Okay, You know the TV by the front window that looks like it traveled here straight from the fifties? Right next to it is a big sign that says, “All red radios on clearance.” You can’t miss it.

Customer
Thank you.

Carl
(With sarcasm) That’s what I’m here for.

Smash Cut to:

Int. – Radio Shop – Day

A bell rings from the door opening. A woman’s heels enter followed by a set of men’s shoes step across the threshold. Sunglasses are seen taken off taking the camera to the woman’s lips. Carl looks up from the check out counter and his mouth drops slightly from the shock of these two people entering the store. The woman’s lips then begin to move.


Agent Whan
Are you Carl

Carl
Uhhh

Agent Tomb
It’s time you come with us rookie.

Carl
Uuuhhh

Smash Cut to:

Int. – Black Van – Day

From inside the car/van we see Carl thrown in. The car/van burns rubber as it pulls away from the shop.

Carl
Okay I could do with out the pushing and shoving.

Agent Whan
End of the world waits for no one. If you want to do your country service you’ll rush to the front if that’s what it takes.

Carl
Running towards death never seems like an admirable goal.

Agent Tomb
She’s right- time is wasting even now so stop whining and get in gear. This dumb planet need your help.

Smash Cut to:

Ext. – Open Road – Day

The van is seen driving down the street, big open dry lake in the background.

Smash Cut to:

Int. – Black Van - Day

Carl
How is it possible that I am the only guy for this job, and what is that we’re doing? How can I be saving the world…

Agent Tomb
You ask too many questions rookie.

The Van is shaken from being hit in the back.

Carl
What was that?

Agent Whan
Great. They found us.

Agent Tomb
I’m on it!

Smash Cut to:

Ext. – Open Road – Day

Agent T drives skillfully to get away from the pursuers then drives off into the distance.

Smash Cut to:

Int. – Black Van - Day

Agent Tomb
There. We lost him.

Carl
Pull over! (Flustered)

Agent Tomb
We can’t. There isn’t time.

Carl
Pull over right now or I will scream like a little girl!

Agent Whan
Just pull over already.

Agent T grunts put abruptly stops the van. Carl hits his head and rubs it in pain.

Smash Cut to:

Ext. - Dry Lake – Day

Carl burst out of the back of the Van into the bear dry lake. After recovering from a panic attack Carl looks up to notice the dry lake in the middle of nowhere.

Carl
Ah no. Where are we?

Van drives off leaving Carl in the dust. Carl turns away, not noticing the van is making a full circle to come back to him.

Carl
Left in desert. (Under his breath->) It figures this is how my day would go.

Van comes back around and stops by Carl. Agent Whan steps out of the van and walks over to him. Agent Tomb behind her.

Agent Tomb
It’s time to stop messing around. This stuff is time sensitive.

Agent Whan
Listen, we were on route to a secret location. The point is for you not to know.

Carl
What, why. How is it that I am needed. Why do you guys need me? I don’t see how a lower class citizen can be of any use to the government. (tone changes) Although, this could be potentially awesome. I could end up going on secret mission. I could be the next James Bond! Why am I turning this opportunity down?

Agent Tomb
Don’t turn this into a Disney dream come true. Life isn’t a fairy tale. Now either get in the Van or we can force you in the Van.

Carl
So much for free will.

Agent Tomb
Perhaps this will change your mind if you are considering staying in the desert. (pulls out a pistol)

Carl
Okay, okay! (puts his hands up) I’ll get into the mysterious van taking me to the tope secret location.

Carl proceeds to get back into the Van and it takes off.

Agent Tomb
Wise choice, Rookie. (Holsters his pistol)

Agent Whan
Now that everything is settled. Let’s get going.

Agent Whan and Agent Tomb begin walking back to the Van.

Smash Cut to:

Int. – Black Van – Day

A moment of silence goes by.

Carl
So… Does anyone want to tell me why I’m needed or will I be in the dark through this entire mission.

Agent T’s Phone rings.

Agent Tomb
W, will you get that for me?

Agent Whan
This is agent W. Hmm. Yes. Okay sir. Right away sir. (Ends the call.) Stop the car.

Car comes to a screeching stop. Carl hits his head on a part of the van.

Carl
Geez, would you stop doing that? I’m going to have brain damage.

Agent Whan
Sorry but, you’re not the guy.

Carl
I’m not the guy?

Agent Tomb Crawls into the back of the Van to be apart of the conversation.

Agent Whan
According to higher ups, you’re the wrong guy. Simple mistake.

Agent Tomb
I knew we were wasting time.

Carl
What if he’s not your guy. (points to Agent Tomb)

Agent Whan quickly draws her weapon and points it at Agent Tomb.

Agent Whan
Your not our guy?

Agent Tomb
Whoa, don’t listen to this kid. (draws his weapon and points it at Carl.) He works in a Radio shop.

Carl is in panic and puts his hands in the air. As the weapons are drawn and everyone is talking their lines are said simultaneously and tension rises.

Carl
Okay I didn’t mean for any misunderstanding.

Agent Whan
Agent Tomb, you need to drop your weapon.

Agent Tomb
Not until this kid admits he’s not the guy

Agent Whan
Drop your weapon sir. I don’t want to have to ask you again. Put your weapon down

Agent Tomb
(yelling) Say your not the guy! Say it!

Carl
(Whimpering) I’m not the guy. I’m not the guy. I’m sorry I’m not the guy.

Agent Tomb and Agent Whan hold still for a beat then both put their weapons down and smile.

Agent Whan
We know you’re not the guy.

Agent Tomb
We’re just messing with you rookie.

Carl
(Still trembling with fear) Ha, you guys are funny.

Agent Tomb
You want to see funny?

Smash Cut to:


Ext. – Radio Shop – Day

Van door opens and Carl is kicked out the side of the van. Carl stands up and dusts himself off as the Van drives away.

Carl
That wasn’t funny at all! (looks around self consciously and walks to the shop.)

Smash Cut to:

Int. – Radio Shop – Day

Carl walks back into his store and sits on the stool behind the counter. The same customer that came up to him before approaches. Customer holds a yellow radio in his hand.

Customer
Are these the radio’s on sale?

Scene ends with Carl looking as though he hates his life.

Fade to Black:


End Credits.

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