Transformation

This summer, it truly has been a wonderful summer and I'm partially sad to see it go as the weather changes. I never thought I could ever be so on fire for God like I have been this summer. I've always loved God, had the desire to get to know Him better, but I was too comfortable with where I was at. Around April I made a decision to not stay in that stagnant place any longer. My heart yearns to know Jesus more! I feel shameful that it took me nearly 20 years to finally run hard after Christ and His plan for me. I'm not saying this summer has been easy and full of clarity. It certainly has been a heart wrenching summer. Pastors, leaders, and people that I've grown up with, known nearly my entire life, moving on, moving away, out for the Glory of God. Being called to a different mission. Their time is done here in this desert, and the part I struggle with is not seeing thing clearly. Not understanding how we will stand without them. But God hasn't revealed it yet for a great reason I'm sure. I'm thinking He really wants his people to depend and trust in Him while we go through these changes that hurt so much. In my own life I have been learning so much on faith, trust, and patience. A journey that is not nearly over. It has hurt more lately than usual, the uncertainty of my future, my career, relationships, "love", ministry. It certainly has been trial and error lately but most importantly, aside from trying to understand so desperately what God has planned for me, I have been really struggling with just letting go. Letting God's will take place over my life. I try and control situations, manipulate things to go at my own pace, but God has a different plan. God knows what's right for me and has His perfect timing. Oi. Patience is a killer. But God keeps telling me it will be worth it. In the words of Casey Kendal, a loved pastor whom I respect so much because of his heart to serve, "Waiting is worth it when God is in it!" I pray everyday that God will give me the strength to endure this long period of waiting. It most of the time feels like the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I have to make sure my desires don't distract me from what God has planned. I really am going to miss each and every one of the people who are leaving. Some might not even know it because we don't know each other hardly at all, but every single one of them had something I admired about them and aspire to be like. They have a passion for Christ and living out His will for their lives. Talents they use for the glory of God. I only hope that as the summer comes to end, that my fire for Jesus won't die. I desire to burn hard through the winter and the next seasons of my life until the day I die. No one will be mistaken for what I believe. I still have so much more to grow, to learn. And hopefully one day I can be like these godly ladies who are moving on and living out the call for Christ in the their lives. Not to say that I hope I move away one day, I'm sure God has me staying behind for a reason. But my transformation isn't nearly over. And I am so excited to see what the Lord has in store for me. Hopefully my impatience doesn't get ahead of me.